Flashlight Fu and the Art of Extreme Benefits

Did you know a flashlight could be a better self-defense weapon than a gun? I sure didn’t! We’re talking about something portable, purse-sized, “tactical.” And it can break a car window! Wow, those are extremely awesome benefits for a … flash … light. So what extreme benefits can your product offer?

Did you know a flashlight could be a better self-defense weapon than a gun? I sure didn’t! And I don’t mean one of those big night watchmen club-style flashlights. No, we’re talking about something portable, purse-sized, “tactical.” And it can break a car window! Wow, those are extremely awesome benefits for a … flash … light. So what extreme benefits can your product offer?

J5 Ultra Bright. Or, "Witness: The Chuck Norris of Flashlights!"
The bottom really has this copywriter’s best lines: “Attack head design.” “Aircraft grade casing.” “Warning … May Cause Temporary Blindness”!? I think they missed an opportunity by not invoking Chuck Norris, but this is otherwise inspired work.

That’s from this bit of advertorial for the J5 Tactical flashlight. In case that link goes down, here are some of the highlights. (Because this should be preserved for posterity.):

Self Defense … Why a tactical flashlight can be better than a gun

Can you take your gun on an airplane? Heck no, can you take your tactical flashlight, absolutely! In this day and age the same goes for a number of states. Guns are suspect without the correct permits to carry, flashlights aren’t.

You need to incorporate a tactical flashlight into your everyday carry situation and read below on some tips on how to use this tool for hassle free self defense.

But can a flashlight really be used to fend off an attacker? The short answer is: Yes, if you know what you’re doing.

Tactical flashlight defense is apparently a two-stage process that has been described as a Flash and Bash or Light and Fight technique. To make this method work the defender holds the light in their dominant hand, the jagged (or “crenelated”) bezel of the light pointing downward, and their thumb on the tail-cap switch.

As the attacker approaches and swings, our victim flashes them in the eyes with a burst of light while stepping forward to intercept the punch, and raising both forearms up in front, and to the inside of, the swinging arm . As the defender’s trailing arm grabs hold of the attacker’s arm, the flashlight is thrust forward to apply a strike, or constant pressure (both seem to work), from the business end of the light to specific pain points under or behind the ear, on the temple, the collarbone or down on the top of the shoulder.

If the light is being held upward in the hand (like you’d hold a spoon) it can also be shoved up under the chin while pulling down on the arm, shirt or shoulder of the attacker with the other hand.

And that’s not all! The advertorial goes on to highlight even more extreme benefits: It’s apparently an effective car window breaker, and “The Perfect Rescue Beacon.”

And let’s not overlook the content value of the introduction to flashlight martial arts. The “apparently” aside, this is a fine example of using content to educate your readers on the benefits you’re listing so they feel comfortable that they’ll know how to use them after the order arrives. All of their readers are now leading scholars in the emerging art of Flashlight Fu.

Doesn’t that make you think of your flashlight in a new way? The plastic “torch” I have at home sure ain’t getting me out of a home invasion or my car sinking into the river.

I didn't even know flashlight envy was a thing.
I didn’t even know flashlight envy was a thing.

Now maybe not all of the copy has been convincing, but there’s a lot you can learn about how to write benefits (even the kind that don’t force you to reflexively use the word “apparently” in your copy). These authors aren’t just thinking outside the box of normal flashlight benefits, they’ve lit the box on fire to make S’mores.

If J5 can spin its flashlight’s crenelated head and aluminum frame into “better than a gun” for self defense, what extreme benefits can you spin out of your product? What kind of proof can you offer to back them up?

Even if you don’t use those benefits in live marketing copy, the exercise will change how you see them.